Why people get upset when you set a boundary?
When you establish a new boundary with someone, the most common form of resistance is anger. People who get angry at others for setting boundaries have a character problem. Self-centered, they think the world exists for them and their comfort. They see others as extensions of themselves.
Knowing the boundaries of others encourages us to be respectful of other people's choices and values. When our boundaries are crossed, or when we cross the boundaries of others, this can lead to communication breakdown, discomfort and even anger. Some types of boundaries are easier to recognize and respect than others.
It's an attractive quality to have. There's a reason why confidence is one of the most highly sought-after qualities in a potential partner and boundaries are a key factor behind its manifestation. They're also key to a healthy relationship.
Unfortunately, people who are manipulative, narcissistic, and have a poor sense of self tend to repeatedly violate personal boundaries. One of the biggest challenges that people have with boundaries is figuring out what to do when someone repeatedly violates them.
Unhealthy Boundaries Versus Healthy Boundaries. One of the reasons people have difficulty setting boundaries is because they think of them as barriers, tools for pushing others away. But boundaries aren't about shutting people out. They're about defining your limits to be at your best.
If someone is pressuring or coercing you into bending your boundaries, it's a major early red flag in a relationship. And they don't just have to be sexual boundaries. Boundaries can also look like invading your personal space, asking too personal of questions, or even not respecting your time.
You feel off
“They get in your space, and you feel uncomfortable. Whether it is physical, emotional, or mental space, if you feel uncomfortable, it is likely a boundary violation,” says Katie Lorz, LMHC, a trauma and relationship counselor for women at HGCM Therapy in Washington. “You feel physically uncomfortable.
People don't respect your boundaries because you haven't asked them to stop asking you about a request you already said no to. They might not know that you're annoyed or irritated. People will assume everything is fine until you tell them otherwise. Maybe they think they're being proactive by repeatedly asking.
Clearly express when you feel overwhelmed, ignored, or unheard. If you're afraid to say “no,” start saying “I'll get back to you” and think about things before you provide an answer. Let your friends know that you have personal goals and dreams you are working towards.
It's not mean or wrong to set boundaries. Boundaries protect us from being hurt and taken advantage of. Boundaries create healthy relationships and clear expectations. And we can learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty or like we're being mean!